Blair Kingston

Friends only

2008-01-22T07:58:21Z

As Long As You're Mine

2008-01-12T09:12:30Z

Sometimes A song says it best.

His name is Josh and he makes me very happy. He's someone I have a lot in common with, and I don't have to worry about taking it too fast with him, because he likes to go slow. It's something I need.

Wnen You Walk Away....

2007-10-11T05:44:15Z

Ryan just came home from Massachusetts today. And instead of spending time with me, like I thought he would want to do, he chose to go over his friend's house, who he's been with since Thursday.

I count the steps as he's walking out the door, screaming that I don't want him to come home tonight if he's going to spend time with her, instead of me.

I'll admit it. I'm jealous. I'm jealous that I have a boyfriend who would rather treat me second rate, and spend time with friends instead of loving me, like he's supposed to. I'm jealous of everyone who has a healthy relationship. I'm jealous.

I don't like feeling second rate. I live with him, I should at least see him for a tiny bit each day, but alas, I don't. He's usually off with his friends, coming home after I'm asleep, and leaving the next morning before I get up. I feel used. I feel like I'm just the person who pays the bills, and gives good head. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't know how much I can take anymore. I'm sick of worrying each and every night when he's going to come home. I'm sick of worrying if he's even going to come home at all.

I told myself in the beginning of the relationship, space is a good thing. And for a while it was, until that's all that there was. Space. Such an empty word. I never thought I would want him here when I cry. But I do. I want the man back who I fell in love with. I don't know who this new person is, and he scares me.

I shouldn't feel like our relationship is being threatened, when I'm living with him. We've made a pact that once we moved into our own place, if we ever had a problem, we'd talk it out. Try to make things better. So far I've kept up on my end of the bargain. But he can't even commit to that. I don't know if I should try anymore, just keep myself an empty shell.

I want to scream, to punch a wall, to break something. That usually makes me feel better, but this time, hearing him actually say that he prefers spending time with his friends, then his own boyfriend, I don't think there is anything in this world that I could break that would make me feel better. Except the face that I have fallen in love with. But that would cause more problems than solve anything. Instant gratification always does that though doesn't it?

I miss him when he's gone. But lately I find that I miss him when he's here, because his mind is over there at his friends house. I can't compete with that apparently. I'm going to be second best in his book...have been for a few months now. How am I supposed to cope with that? Do I sit back and watch our relationship just slip down the drain, or do I fight back? I'd prefer to fight back, but he's the type that likes to avoid confrontation at all costs, including leaving the house for hours at a time.

I end this post with a little food for thought: Which is worse; being single? Or being in a relationship where you barely see the other person, because they'd rather see everyone else? Think about it for a minute.

Happy One Year Anniversary!!!

2007-10-09T21:28:04Z

What a fucking way to spend your one year anniversary with your boyfriend. Alone. He can't even come home first. WTF. Instead I found out that he's staying in Mass with his parents, who he was with for the last five days.

Defending my actions.

2007-10-07T16:25:25Z

I have always said, and will continue to always say: "If there is an issue that has to do with a relationship, then let it stay in that relationship."

I am getting so fucking sick and tired of everytime Ry and I have a fight, someone has to butt in where they don't belong.   Most of the time it's because one of us, usually Ryan, is bringing in outside help.   I can't take it anymore. I have given enough warnings in the past about butting in and where it's going to get you, and now I'm taken action, instead of just speaking words.

The other night, Ryan and I had a fight. They have become pretty normal for the two of us. Meg decided to butt in, yet again, pulling the, "It's not just your house, you can't tell me what to do" card when I asked her to leave. I didn't want a huge fight breaking out with her to, so I, at first, politely asked her to leave. When she didn't, and kept saying that she had a right to be there, because she had been helping Ryan out with bills, I got pissed. I'm still pissed off about it, and it happened over a week ago.

I don't care who you are, or how much money you have put into it (why you are putting money into it in the first place should be more of the issues) you DO NOT have the right to tell me, in MY house, with MY name on the lease, that I can't tell you to leave. Ry has asked that certain people not be allowed back into this house, and I have respected that.   The fact that I ask it, and he completely blows me off, like I don't matter, or even have a say in what goes on in the house, well that's going to stop. I am a part of this house hold, and yes I do get say in our relationship. If you want to go over and see Meg at her house, that's fine, but keep inviting her over to mine, when I have asked a few times nicely, and finally got fed up and threatened the restraning order, then that's on you. When she gets arrested for being near my house, we'll see how serious I was.

And Ry, you can keep pulling the "You'll see less of me then, because I'd rather hang out with my friends" routine, where will we be. I barely see you as it is, I'm lucky these last few months if I'm not asleep when you come strolliing home between god knows what hours.   You've lost your respect for me, and it's starting to take a toll on the relationship that you don't even feel you have to work for.

just updating.

2007-08-16T02:56:42Z

Clay Aiken- Without You

Well, I can't forget this evening 
And your face when you were leaving 
But I guess that's just the way the story goes 
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows 
Yes, it shows 

Well, I can't forget tomorrow 
When I think of all my sorrow 
I had you there, but then I let you go 
And now it's only fair that I should let you know 
What you should know 

[CHORUS:]
I can't live, if living is without you 
I can't live, I can't give anymore 
I can't live, if living is without you 
I can't live, I can't give anymore 

Well, I can't forget this evening 
And your face when you were leaving 
But I guess that's just the way the story goes 
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows 
Yes, it shows 

[CHORUS:] 3 times

Hey Guys,

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, Ry and I haven't had internet for a while, and our neighbor Chulo is allowing us to leak off of his internet until we get our rediculously high comcast bill payed off, because of the stupid installation fees.

Speaking of neighbors, I'm working with Chulo a lot tearing apart stuff that has metal in it, and making a few bucks here and there. It's pretty cool, because I can make some decent money when I need it.

Other then that, nothing new with me.

Kelly Clarkson album Review!!!

2007-07-20T16:23:17Z

Kelly Clarkson releases an amazingly haunting jewel in her junior attempt. From the first line of Never Again: “I hope the ring you gave to her/ turns her finger green.” To the stunning shocker that we like to call track 7 (Haunted): “Whispers taunting all the things you said/faster the days go bye and I’m still/ stuck in this moment of wanting you here.”

For the making of this fantastic album, Kelly had a lot to go through before she could release this to the public. Postponed album tours, to disagreements with her management, to breaking up with her former flame, has brought the hopes of fans getting to hear a decent album this summer.

Kelly struck back. Her attempts bring us My December. Look out evanescence front woman Amy Lee you’ve got some competition this summer.

We open the CD with “Never Again”. The angst written power balled reminds listeners of “Jagged Little Pill”, the smash album from fellow rocker Alanis Morissette. Said a fan from the Internet (darryl_butt76@yahoo.ca):” Wow, she never fails to amaze me. And the songs are always so relatable!!!!!!!! I love, love, love it. This is my car jam for the summer! :)”

Track 2 (One Minute), reminds me a little of Hilary Duff with attitude. It’s not completely bubblegum pop, like her previous album Thankful. It’s got a twist of Angry Edge to it. Almost makes me hate the guy she’s singing about. The pain in her voice shows some real emotion to the public.

So now we’ve had the CD for a little over six minutes, and Hole hits our ears. After we’re done thinking to ourselves “Am I sure I bought a Kelly Clarkson CD?” We realize this is exactly what Kelly wanted with this album. The lyrics allow us to hit the hurt and angst in her writing.

Coming up we have, Sober, the second single on the record. The song reminds me slightly of “Will You Remember Me?” by folk and contemporary pop artist Sarah McLaughlin. It’s peaceful, and yet, still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Lyrics like “Three months and still I’m sober/Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers.” It sends a positive message to all heart broken listeners, if it hurts now, give it time, and your pain will ease.

Once you finish your soul searching with the previous song, “Don’t Waste Your Time” smacks you right in your face. A few guitar riffs later, we get to hear the end of the hurting. Kelly exclaims with a smile “Don’t waste your time on me, my friend. Friend, what does that even mean?” Memories are stirred, and brought to the table. A great way to release your anger is in song or writing. Kelly teaches us that with this Top 10 hit.

The first song that you get to hear Kelly in her Breakaway music style is “Judas”. The repletion of words, the catchy bridge, the power chorus, all is reminiscent of Behind These Hazel Eyes. It’s not one of the best on the record, but it’s definitely single worthy, which is saying a lot.

“Haunted” brings music to our ears, no pun intended. Surprisingly the song seems to take Ben Moody’s (previous song writer and fellow Evanescence band mate) writing style as well as the evanescence approach to the song. It will keep you listening again and again as she cries out “Where are you? I need you. Don’t leave me here on my own” It sounds like it belongs as an Evanescence b-side of the Open Door. It’s got hints of Sweet Sacrifice (Evanescence’s third single on their most recent record, The Open Door), with a dash of Good Enough.

“Be Still” give us the jazzy side of Kelly’s voice. Almost a Norah Jonesesque style in both singing and composing. This song would sound great live, for it gives a very intimate performance. A lighter will be needed in order to listen to this song.

The sweet melody of “Maybe” hits our ears next. It sounds like a mix between Dido and Lifehouse, with the mix of guitar riffs, and sweet vocals. Not one of my favorites on the album, it’s a little too “Thankful” for me.

“How I Feel” isn’t something that you would expect from Kelly. It reminds me of Kelly Osbourne in writing, and singing. It’s catchy, but not something that fans will find themselves putting on repeat. The vocal backing is pretty, but I can’t imagine this song as a single.

“Yeah” is our next stop on the listening tour of My December. Avril Lavigne meets K. T. Tungstall in this over poppy rock song. Honestly it’s too repetitive even for my taste. Kelly doesn’t show her true vocal range in this song, a lot of it done spoken, with a drumbeat in the backround.

“Can I Have A Kiss” is the happier side of My December. You can definitely tell that Kelly has given up on mourning on her previous relationships and has moved onto bigger and better things. “I see that you’re torn/ I’ve got some scars of my own/ Seems I want what I know is gonna leave me hungry” is the lyrics of the song that sticks out to me the most. Pain will always be there, and there will always be proof of it, but if you feel you are ready to move on, then let your heart do the talking, Kelly explains in this surprisingly haunting beauty.

The second to last track on this album “Irvine” is reminiscent of Dido’s “Don’t Leave Home”. It’s excruciatingly slow and haunting. “Can you feel how cold I am? Do you cry as I do? Are you lonely up there all by yourself? Like I have felt all my life. The only one to save mine.” It sounds like Kelly is singing to someone she has lost in the past, and you can definitely hear the pain straining her voice. A tear will be shed by the end of this song, for anyone who has lost someone in the past.

Finally we hit “Chivas”, the hidden track on the album. I’m not quite sure what a chivas is, but it sounds like an insult, because, even though the song is melodic and pretty, it’s a direct stab as someone from her past. “So much for true love/ I’ll take this Chivas instead, yeah/ I’ll take this Chivas instead.” Kelly explains with a sultry tone to her voice. Great song, but to painful and retaliatory for radio to play. It’s definitely a listen to when you are feeling down and want to pick yourself back up type of song.

Over all I loved Kelly Clarkson’s My December. Great album for any fan of Kelly’s older stuff, and I can definitely see more fans picking this album up. Look for Kelly to be performing some of theses songs near you this summer.

Wierd dream that left me extremely happy....

2007-07-15T17:03:58Z

Have A Little Faith In Me- Mandy Moore

When the road gets dark and you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark and have a little faith in me 

And when the tears you cry are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try baby and have a little faith
Faith in me 

Have a little faith in me 
Have a little faith in me 
Oh
Have a little faith in me 
Have a little faith
Faith in me

And when your secret heart cannot speak so easily
Come here baby from a whisper start To have a little faith in me 

And when your back's against the wall just turn around and you
You will see I will catch your
I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith
Faith in me

Have a little faith in me 
Have a little faith in me 
Have a little faith in me 
Have a little faith 
Have faith in me

Well I've been loving you for such a long 
Long time
Expecting nothing in return just for you to have a little faith in me 
See time
Time is our friend 'cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is a have a little faith in me 

I will hold you up 
I will hold you up 
And your love gives me strength enough to have a little faith in me 
Oh
Hey 
Oh darling have a little faith in me

Ooh
Ooh
Ah
Ah
Faith

Hey Guys,

    So I had a wierd dream last night, and the night before....which is wierd because I never dream the same dream twice.

    I was at Lake Compounce with the CompounceCon, and someone, I think it was Christina, said "You're not allowed here because you dropped out of the musical. This con is for musical members only."

    I blew up, and the funny thing is I remember every word that I said:

    I turned to Christina and the rest of the cast, and just blinked for a minute or two before speaking. Finally I got enough nerve to say the first sentence. It was better then nothing. "I've been a part of the musical until a lot of you drove me away. You all call yourselves friends, but you talk shit about each other behind your backs, that you can't even look one another in the eye and honestly call someone a friend. How can you live with yourself, knowing that you can't have one happy moment without having to ruin it by treating everyone around you like shit.

    I'm disgusted in all of you right now. Ry told me about the show, and how it went off pretty well, but you all forgot your lines around the same part. And you wanted to get pissed off at me for not knowing a few of my lines? Pathetic.

    Next time you want to put on a musical, think back and realize that I'm not going to be the only person to drop because of the way you all act. It's ironic that you can all stand here and look each other in the face, because no one knows the shit that's been said behind each of your backs as well.

    (At this point I singled out Maddy and Caro, and went off on them for other reasons as well.)    You call yourself Ryan's friends, but you can't even be happy for him. You guys are constantly causing him grief, betraying his trust, and pissing him off. You want to know why in January he wouldn't talk to you for a while. That's the reason.   He resorted back to his Natick mode, and you didn't even notice it. It's one thing to say what you did when he's over your house, but the way you acted when you were a guest in someone else's house, because it wasn't just him, was revolting. I'm suprised he didn't just cut ties with you for that alone. Because if it was me, that's exactly what I would have done."

     I said some other minor things, that I can't remember, and turned to walk away.

     All I could hear was this: *sob, sob sob* *slow clapping to loud clapping* Apparently my "speech" made an impact on everyone.

    It was a good dream, and now I'm kind of hoping that it happens in real life, because there is a ton of shit that I want to say to most of the cast, a few people are obviously not going to be brought into the equation because I've already talked to them and can believe that they had no part in what was going on.

Sitting at home while everyone is off at ConnectiCon...

2007-07-13T20:42:27Z

Just Like A Pill - P!NK

I'm lying here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine, cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get out of here

Where I can run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear, you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine, cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get out of here

Where I can run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear, you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
(Just like a pill)
I can't stay on your morphine, cause it's making me itch
(Just like a pill)
I said I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch
(Just like a pill)
I think I'll get out of here

Where I can run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You're making me ill
You keep making me...

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill
(Your'e making me, making me ill)

Run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill (Yeah)
Instead of making me better
You're making me ill
You keep making me...

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears... (fade out)

Hey Guys,

    Just got back from my interview at FYE and it went well. I have to give a call on monday to speak with the store manager, but Brett, the one who interviewed me today, told me that I pretty much got the job. So that solves that dillema.

    I AM NOT SORRY that I had to miss out on Connecticon at all. It was too much stress and drama for me to deal with. I can only take so much before snapping. That happened three days ago.   I just wanted to keep myself out of that situation, because I've already got enough on my back, then to worry about what everyone else is doing, or thinking, or how they are acting.

    I've been reading over some old entries of Ryan's, and I wish he had come to talk to me about problems he was having with me, but he left it all unsaid to my ears. It's kind of unfair to me, because it left a lot of people disliking me, for stuff that I had no idea what was going on. I knew he was stressing out about something, but everytime I asked him what was going on, he refused to talk about it, and often changed the topic. How was I supposed to know that he was upset with some things I was doing.

    With that said, I've only got two more days to not see him, and then hopefully things will be back to normal. I've requested that once the con is over, for a few weeks that there be a "curfew" on our apartment, because the last few weeks, I saw him less then when I was working at Hollywood Video. At least back then I knew I would get to see him every night at 11:45 at the latest. But the last few weeks, because he was working on the musical, he's been rolling in around 1:00 am, 1:30 am sometimes.   It's the reason I've been hanging with my downstairs neighbors so much. Because I get bored when he's not here, and I don't like playing the same video game all the time.

    I know I haven't been in the best of moods the last few weeks, but can you honestly blame me. I've been jobless; dating someone who can't even communicate with me even though we both agreed that we would work on that, because communication has been our issues in the past, and it seems like they are coming up again; dealing with a cast who can't seem to come up to me and tell me what their problems with me is, but feel that it's ok to talk about me behind my back, because that seems to make more sense.

    It's been too much for me. Now I've got to do dishes that have been sitting there for a while, and even though I asked Ry to do some, after I had just finished doing 3 loads, they are still sitting there, with more added on top of it.   And we've got company. I've cleaned the house twice this week, and it just seems to get messier and messier. And I get no credit when it is clean....I don't even think he's noticed, what with him being so busy with the musical and all, but still.   I don't think it takes that much time to comment on how the house is looking once and a while.

    I've got to get going before I go insane with boredom, so I'll talk to you all later.

Edward has something very important thing to say......

2007-07-12T01:02:56Z

Kelly Clarkson - Sober

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah
Three months I hurt

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Hey Guys,

   I'm dropping the con this year.   ConnectiCon has become to stressful for me to deal with at this point in my life. The con was supposed to be about getting together with your friends and having a great time. Maybe even catch up on memories if you haven't seen these said friends in a while.

    But my second con experience was far worse then my first, and it hasn't even happened yet. I've got an entire cast, pretty much, talking shit about me behind my back, without confronting me.   What is my biggest issue with people: If you have a problem with me, come talk to me about it. DON'T talk about me behind my back. It makes me loose a lot of respect for you if you go and do that.   One or two people wouldn't have caused me to think that backing out of the whole con. But an entire cast, on the other hand, that's too much for even me to be handling. I'm trying to eleviate stress by leaving Hollywood Video, and instead getting myself into a situation that like 10x stressful. I should have stayed with the job, and ditched out a long time ago.

    But I before I close this entry out I want this to be said to all involved in either show that I bowed out of:

    I have a long memory, and I am part Italian, which means I can hold a grudge. My family has been doing it with our neighbors since the day his dog bit me on my property.    I'm getting off the point but you get what I mean. Don't expect a christmas card, or birthday present from me.   Because until the shit gets sorted out.....consider yourselves unremovable from my long but constantly growing shit list.

    Good luck with the show, and break a leg (figuratively)!!!
                   Blair

About to ruin friendships!!!

2007-07-10T05:29:59Z

October- Evanescence

I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
In all my bitterness,
I ignored,
All that's real and true,
All I need is you,
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes,
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong,
I can't lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love,
My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Hey Guys,
    I finally found the answer to what I was looking for.   In order to live a dramaless life, you have to get rid of the drama right?   Well starting sunday, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start living dramaless for a long time....

    But what does that mean exactly?

    It means I'm cutting ties. You'll know who you are, by the lack of communication in any sort of manner which friends usually do.   I'm sick of having to worry about who's pissed at me for what. I'm done with the constantly trying to patch things up for I don't even understand half the time. I'm tired of the dirty glares every second I'm in the same room.   I'm pretty much tired of it all.

    If I'm still communicating with you after this sunday, please don't bring the drama to me...I don't want it near me at all. That's the only thing I ask.   I don't want to have to bring a fresh snip of the sissors so soon into the new way of life for me. I want my Utopia for the first time in a while. I'm going to get it, and no one is going to stop me.

amyleefan2006 @ 2007-07-09T12:36:00

2007-07-09T17:08:58Z

Kelly Clarkson- Haunted

Louder, louder 
The voices in my head 
Whispers taunting 
All the things you said 
Faster the days go by and I’m still 
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here 
Time 
In the blink of an eye 
You held my hand, you held me tight 
Now you’re gone 
And I’m still crying 
Shocked, broken 
I’m dying inside 

Where are you? 
I need you 
Don’t leave me here on my own 
Speak to me 
Be near me 
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me 

Shadows linger 
Only to my eye 
I see you, I feel you 
Don’t leave my side 
It’s not fair 
Just when I found my world 
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart 

I miss you, you hurt me 
You left with a smile 
Mistaken, your sadness 
Was hiding inside 
Now all that’s left 
Are the pieces to find 
The mystery you kept 
The soul behind a guise 

Where are you 
I need you 
Don’t leave me here on my own 
Speak to me 
Be near me 
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me 

Why did you go? 
All these questions run through my mind 
I wish I couldn’t feel at all 
Let me be numb 
I’m starting to fall 

Where are you? 
I need you 
Don’t leave me here on my own 
Speak to me 
Be near me 
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me 

Where are you? 
Where are you? 

You were smiling

Hey guys,

    I know I haven't posted in a while, but I haven't really had time to get my thoughts collected together enough to even form a coherent sentence.

    But here I am almost two weeks into unemployment (yes I know it was stupid of me to quit my former job without having a backup already lined up) and things are more stressful then when I was working 60 hour work weeks, and that's saying something. I was a manager at my job, and it was pretty damn stressful: getting in trouble when GSRs don't listen to me, getting written up for being sick when I've called out once the entire time I was working for them, random shit like that.   I couldn't take it anymore. A job isn't supposed to make me emotionally sick as I was getting.

    Now here we are, 4 days away from Ctcon and people are getting on Ryan's back for me not having my money to register for the con (which I do btw, thanks to sources that are going to stay disclosed for now). People need to get the FUCK off his back, and start talking to me from now on. I will not tolerate this bullshit anymore. I don't like the tension in the air during rehersals because someone doesn't like talking to me....they think I'm going to blow up in their faces or something, like I am some sort of evil entity. I'm not that bad of a person, but the more people want to talk about me behind my back, the more I'm going to get upset, and the sooner I'm going to start breaking bones, and I don't mean figuratively. I'm seriously going to start swinging in some of the shit talker's direction, be it guy or girl, at this point I don't care, and will go against my morals. I'm getting sick of having fights with Ryan because of something someone said.

    People are pissed off that Ryan and I stayed together after the one incident most recently, and they are pissed off because they don't have any say in our relationship. That, my friends, is how it's going to stay from now on too.   No one is getting in between mine and Ryan's relationship.   I've been dropping friends for a lot less then that, but if it keeps being an issue,   there is no need for friends like that. I don't care if I've been friends with you for 14 years, or a week. I'm done with the shit and the drama.

    Now for some explanations.   The reason I haven't been hanging out with certain groups of friends is for one reason and one reason alone. I know most of the shit talking is coming from one of the parties involved. She can deny saying anything all she wants, but I know it's her. I've been through it with her before, and I almost ended the friendship back then, but foolishly I didn't. But now, no loyalties are directed in her direction. She is now just one of the masses in my books.

    I'm done. I guess you can call me a ticking time bomb from now on. Watch out,   Hell hath no fury like a pissed off wiccan.

amyleefan2006 @ 2007-06-15T00:13:00

2007-06-15T04:21:49Z

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this
Good enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me
'Cause I can't say no

Hey Guys,

    I'm finally on Livejournal, and am going to be posting regularly
on it now.

    Work has been keeping me very busy. I'm usually only getting one day off every two weeks. But now that our district manager has been replaced, more help will be in our store.   Bill (the new guy) came and visited today, and the first thing he asked was how many people we had on staff. Marilyn gave him the number and he freaked out... Apparently we are supposed to have a Store Director, Assistant Store Director, 3 shift directors, and 5 general service representives.

       Right now we only have 3 gsr, 1 shift leader and one in training (but he won't last long....I've been watching him work, as well as Bill, and he doesn't learn easily), and the store director. So you can see we are pretty understaffed.

    But I'm pretty beat so I'm going to cut this entry short.

          Blair